Connections

What interesting connections Class 6 had!  As a teacher I love learning strategies that involve every student and also get the point across.  Whoever came up with this...it is good!  We all received 5 different squares of paper.  Earlier in class we made a list (that was written on the board) of connections we have...family, friends, pets, locations, music, etc.  On each square we had to write the 5 most important connections in our life.  Our instructors asked us to pick the one we could let go of first (if we had to) and hold it high in the air!  After all hands were raised REALLY high, we had to let it go!  Small colorful square pieces of paper floated to the floor.  And some right back on the table, so they had to be re-dropped.  The process continued until we were left with 2 connections.  And once again we had to choose.

What would be the ONE connection that above all else you would want to maintain?

For most of the class, family was the number one connection they would never want to give up.

As a side note "faith" & "family" were both Josh & I's last two squares.  We both chose faith.  I don't say this with a light or haughty attitude as most people would never consider choosing faith above family.  And even though it's easy to pick up a piece of paper saying we would choose faith over family, it's not that easy in real life.  No doubt there are family members reading this now who have experienced decisions I have made in my life that has put them in second place.  It's not a fun feeling for the decision maker or the recipient of that decision.  However, I fully believe that if we put faith above family, in the end we will get family too.  If we put family above faith, then all we have is family.  That was tough to write as I do hope that it offends no one and that it may help to heal any hurts caused over the years. I'm reminded by my grandparents that at Thanksgiving one year my "thankful" was "Thank God for family!"  And I am.  They mean a lot to me and make up so many of my favorite memories. My connections.

The point of the activity, as our instructors pointed out that the two connections that are left are usually family and faith, is that the most important connection we have (especially if we go with family) is the FIRST connection we have kids give up when they are taken from their home and placed in a foster home.  To put it bluntly, family is the last thing we would want to give up, but it's the first connection children have to give up when they are removed from their home.  WOW.

And then we talked about how we could ease children's minds to make them more comfortable by connecting to their other connections that make up their identity.  When we bring Baby O home we do not know how much he will remember, but if we found out his mom sang "You are my sunshine" to him every night before going to bed; what a lovely thing to continue that memory.  If Baby O always was given a pink balloon every time she went to the park on Saturday to let the balloon off, why not make that a part of our family tradition?

There was a wonderful example in our class of a couple where the husband grew up with authentic dinners from his family's home country.  These recipes were passed down from his grandmother.  His wife now has these recipes and will often make dinner using them.  Instead of him losing out on his heritage and food culture, his wife has not only allowed him to continue his connection, but strengthened and expanded it to include the whole family.

The last bit from the class I would like to share is the Triangle Family.  I told you this class had wonderful connections.  The triangle family, Tom (dad), Tammy (mom), Timmy (son) decided they wanted to add to their family.  The only child available was Sammy the Square.  They brought him into the family, but they wanted him to fit in.  Instead of cutting off Sammy the Square to make a triangle - he would lose part of himself - they instead formed a triangle inside Sammy.  And the three triangles added a bit to themselves to be surrounded by a square.  Yes, it's a bit of a silly story - but why not use Geometry to illustrate how children who have gone from life as they know it, can be included in the family's life, and how the family (all 4 in the "Triangle" family) can be strengthened and expanded by including some of Sammy the Squares connections as well.

Side note #2.  I am working on our Adoption Profile Addendum as we are supposed to have it finished by Class 8.  Right now the Addendum is 44 pages long.  Forty-four.  And that's with not even half of it filled out.  We have been told to be very thorough filling it out as the more we fill out the less time our interview will be and the better our home study will look.

Side note #3.  I found out that after we are done with these classes we still have to be certified by the court.  (sigh)  This process may take 2 weeks or 2 months.  So, please pray the judges in this area will not be on vacation, will be eager to get adoptive parents into the adoption registry and will be eager to process our paperwork.

Side note #4.  Josh asked about how many couples were in the adoption registry (this is for Maricopa County).  I was shocked at the number.  She had just asked that day, so she didn't have an exact number for us, but this is the information she gave us.  A year ago when she asked there were 120 families and AAFC made up about 1/4th of those families.  Today AAFC has around 25 families.  I thought there would be thousands.  I guess I was wrong.